Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
