I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
