dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
