True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
