nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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