bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
