I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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