i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think my fart just growled at me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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