Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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