I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
