That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
