I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
