I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
