i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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