I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
