I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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