Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
