1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
