Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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