saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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