you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
