Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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