Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
