# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
