One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
