dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
