Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
