Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
