It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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