There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
