I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
