sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
