Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is Oprah even human
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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