I need help removing her.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
