Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
