As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
