ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
