WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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