id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
