Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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