If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
