Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
