What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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