The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
