chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize