he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
