Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
