You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
