i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
either way he was missing a nipple.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
