Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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