no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
