hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
