So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
