Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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