When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't turn off my feet"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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