I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
