it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
