you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
