I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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