Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im holly from the hills drunk
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
