I don't remember. Are we still dating?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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