Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
