I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
