He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
