CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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