This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
