What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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