So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
