Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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