i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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