take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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